Yearofhealth2023's Notizen, 11 Okt 23

Sherrye that is the absolute truth isn’t it. There are members in this persons family who are very very successful and wont lift a finger or spend a nickel to help. Her own sisters. Blows my mind. Ive asked several times if they would go in with us on whatever we were doing and it was always excuses. Mind you one of them makes around 250,000 a year and the other 150k. Mind boggling they couldnt help with food, clothing, toiletries and the shock that i had the nerve to ask for 1/3 of a 12000 bill for rehab. Mind boggling (okay i can understand not wanting to foot 4000 a piece but 300 here or there, 100 anything?). O boy. There goes my rant again. 

You've done enough. You did your part. She knows you're going to keep helping, so that's why she keeps depending on you and asking you to help. My opinion is you should step back and let her figure things out on her own. Trust me she's Street smart and they know how to manipulate people and take advantage to get want they want and that's what she's doing 

There’s a big difference between someone who is experiencing an atypical speed bump in life versus someone who is chronically in trouble. I am all for helping out someone who is motivated to change their misfortune and just needs a break or a boost. But you won’t find me assisting a bullshi*ter running their con. Don’t get mad at your relatives that make coin but don’t help — they’ve set boundaries for good reason and those should be respected. 

In order to do goodwill without feeling like you are being taken advantage of is to also be able to say no when you don’t want to. There needs to be a balance. Stay true to yourself. 

In other words… give cuz you want to, not cuz you feel like you have to 

Chicago ken and JustBananas, there have been boundaries set and discussions over and over about her continually asking/manipulating for all kinds of things. How do you say no to basic needs like health care/repair of damage to body (teeth, knees, she had hepatitis which is healed now). Her sisters are repetitively and demonstrably non helpers to anyone in the family—their mom, this sister—but they are excellent takers which is part of my annoyance with them. Boundaries yes, agree but when someone is fighting to regain their life i think a car ride to appts here and there is in order. She literally had nothing. No toothbrush, deodorant basic items last year. Food for thought—it costs about $1000 to provide staples and shoes a winter coat, tampons etc and clothing for one person initially. I bought everything at Fred Meyer which is certainly not a highend store. She’s not MY sister. Split 4 ways would have been 250 apiece. Ok, so dont help with that small stuff how about making phone calls with me to try and find an open bed for rehab? How about helping me find resources for her afterward? Addiction is not a one and done deal. Rehab, after care, housing, court appointments to deal with the aftermath of illegal behavior, getting a state i.d. When all of the documentation showing who you are has vanished years ago, finding counseling to deal with the vicious assaults and worse that homeless addicts are subject to. Meth and heroin for well over a decade damages the brain and leaves that person in a type of brain fog. Some may recover i dont know. I, personally, have never done drugs and very very small amounts of alcohol and none at all to speak of since with hubs (hes a 22 year sober alcoholic). You cannot let someone in that situation “sink or swim” after 28 days off the streets. In going into a little detail because the “boundaries” and “not my problem” mentality is a contributing factor in a large percentage of our homeless addicts. If they do agree to get help, in the window they have agreed to get help in, it is a lot of work to find resources and if put back on the streets a month later nearly 100% will fail at sobriety. I dont want to do this. I feel compelled to help. Don’t get me wrong, if she chooses to use again then im done. No qualms, nothing. I gave her zero help in the past 15 years and would go right back there. More details than are needed or necessary on this site but trying to provide some background. Food addiction is really no different than drug addiction. Just another way to try and overindulge and ruin or kill our bodies. I struggle with my food addiction even tho for the majority of my life ive appeared healthy and fit there was always the secret side of me that would derail here and there and make myself sick with secret bingeing. It’s the best i can understand a drug addict or alcoholic. Just a more acceptable form of addiction. Supergainz-that is exactly right. Initially i have helped because i wanted to. I just dont want to anymore. 

@YoH: Oregon has both the Rescue Mission and the Salvation Army which have shelters for women. There she can get free food, clothing and toiletries. Their case managers can provide referrals to sober living homes so she can get clean and get a job. There are free options out there through large churches like Catholic Charities, too. 

Jb i discovered catholic community health services which is where she got her transitional housing via the help of her son in finding this place (although none are catholic they helped). She lived there for a little over a year and is now in permanent low income apartment that is subsidized with a very low rent. I didnt know about the Salvation Army tho ive seen their names before. My area of expertise has much more to do with finance and little to do with the human condition. Sounds a little backwards tho. Shouldn’t we all be more knowledgeable about the human condition first?