WisteriaSky233's Notizen, 10 Mrz 24

@DAZEY_iz_Well My anxiety is off the charts. I am shaking very badly.  

I struggle with anxiety too. My therapist said, "do the smallest thing that will make the biggest impact" Impact being upon state of mind/mood. Smallest thing being self care. Make a list of thing you do enjoy doing. Do one small thing. Examples: makeup, eyebrows, nails, a bath, a walk, a run, cry, scream, pet/play with an animal, watch your favorite movie from childhood, hang out with a friend/relative that you trust will lift you up, write a letter of all that bothers you, then destroy it(burn it/rip to shreds and throw it away)...etc. I hope this helps you distract from rumination. 

Please keep us posted on the outcome. I do the same with my partner when i want to express how i am feeling without interruption and for him to just read but i tend to do it via email and then send him a text or tell him i sent him an email so he can read it in the morning while he is pooping 😬🤭 I hope it is well received and is a wake up call for him but ultimately you cannot control his reaction or action just your own and you have control over your life and your decisions. Sending you love and support 💜 Breathe, you got this 😘 

A good rule-of-thumb for me is to wait 4 days before sending any negative letter/note/message.  

@Pegster8 Indeed but this had been building since 8.2023 at least. Long standing issues and I really don't see it working out long term. Planning my exit. @Sternfan He texted that he read it and wants to talk tonight. I said I am struggling to love him anymore. He said, "does that mean you don't want to talk?" I said, "No, I can talk. Just have little hope but that can change." (I don't think it will). The next Hyde moment, I'll probably ask him to leave. 

Before you pull the plug, try reading’Marriage, 6 Gospel commitments every couple needs to make.’ By Paul Tripp. I’m divorced recently from my 3rd wife. I’d consider myself a good guy but don’t see red flags before and through my marriages. I’m reading this book now. It’s giving me a ton of insight. Just a thought. Divorce sucks on every level for everyone. 

@RobHendershot I get that but he would never talk about our problems with anyone. I am just mentally over it. Would rather be free but feel stuck in all manners. 

Well even though there may not be change in his part it’s good to hear him out and have an open and honest conversation, it’s good he is willing to talk. He needed this I’m sure to open his eyes and it may be too late but it’s for you to decide. Hope the conversation is productive either way and brings clarity  

As I’ve said all along, it’s a decision you have to be happy with and are comfortable with. That’s is all I’m saying; in every relationship situation, communication is a must.  

@proteinpancake - I know right, I can't image why someone would DARE to think this is a site to share your thoughts and feelings with people willing to read the journals! How annoying that must be for YOU! And I agree, your lack of empathy, heart of stone, and putrid attack about someone else's journal entry is YOUR personal mental health problem and there are endless places you could journal about that..... oh, wait! 😧 including this one - in your own private journal.... but NO! You decided to publish your personal matter of boneheadedness for the entire WORLD to see. Fortunately for you, there are people, EVEN here on THIS site who are willing to invest their time in hearing you by reading your entries. (**GASP**). I just can't imagine the HORROR of such a place!!! 

Wishing you the best!! Hope the convo is productive. Just sharing my experience: My hubby and i had issues too, last aug. One of the things that helped resolve it was learning each others love language, and practicing it. After years of being together, he stopped "speaking" my love language, which in turn caused me to stop doing his, not intentionally, but the hurt made me retreat. Having many deep conversation (and a brief 2 week live-in separation) really helped us uncover what is needed for both of us.. I hope you 2 find the solution. Either he will respond to you or he wont. Either you will find the will to stay or you wont. If my other half decided to not put forth the effort in our relationship, i would have left. 

@DAZEY_iz_Well I am unsure how it will go. There was a lot to the letter and I think his general view will be "try to be right," but I will hear him out. The love language thing is huge and in pre-marital counseling, we read "His Needs; her Needs." And ours do not match so that it also the issue. I have thought about sleeping in the other room. I just don't want him around. 

I think many of us have been there. It's not easy to stay or leave. Both require mentally and physically exhausting work. I know it feels like emotional purgatory, but it's not. Please take a deep breath and know this is temporary.  

@proteinpancake You keep bitching and I keep deleting. 

Be well. Hope all works out for the best.