Good morning, Journal, good morning Fatsecret.
It's 3:40 AM. I couldn't sleep - stomach is hurting. I know perfectly well why, and I'm thinking it's not only my stomach, but also my conscience bugging me.
I TOTALLY fell in yesterday, ate what I wanted and lost the control. Bummer.
Today, I feel sluggish, I feel bad about myself, I feel un-energized - if that's a real word.
I'm done with that. I need to be back on track, and do good. Two and a half weeks until surgery - and I don't want to feel like this or have a massive weight gain. Gotta do good.
I would get on the bike and burn some calories up front today, but my whole body is aching. I think it's the stress from this weeks work - and the fact that I don't need to stress as much any longer - that is toying with me. I think my body realized that it could let go a little bit, and then it REALLY let go. Of course, it's also the aftermath of being sick - gotta be a little cautious to not push myself too much. No matter why, the fact is that I have little to no energy, and it's a 9 hour day of standing up at work. I need my energy there. I gotta practice my new songs too, and I will be burning calories doing that. I guess it's not all bad.
So, what happened yesterday? I'm not sure. The urge came over me, and I couldn't resist. I went and bought chocolate. I actually left work to go buy chocolate. How stupid is that. It didn't even occur to me to use the tapping to get rid of the urge - I wanted it.
It just shows how strong these addictions can be.
Mind you, the tapping has saved my butt on many occasions - it DOES work, but it still requires you to have enough control to get to do it. I will try to focus a little more on this in the future. I think focusing on work simply has made me focus less on my weight. Not good.
Wife wasn't home for dinner and she asked if I could please just fend for myself. This result was me doing poor food choices, AND dessert. I can't believe it.
Anyways, no need to keep beating myself over the head. Today I feel physically and emotionally so horrible, that I hope it'll be a reminder for me. Back on track. Focus. Do good. You can do it.
So, today it's work, work, work. There's still a lot to do - it's the grand day of deadlines - but most has already been done and I can clearly see what needs to be done today. It's not too hard, just requires quite some time to do. It's okay, I'll do it. I got it, I believe.
This should help me to NOT do stupid things today, I hope. I hope my bloated feeling and my aching stomach will remind me. Geez, how this frustrates me.
...
I keep getting better at playing the new songs - I added yet another to the setlist, and it's starting to be a full little gig for me. It's tons of fun to play, and great music. All 70s and 80s hard rock/metal, and it has a ton of attitude, I think. I really like the way I'm adding stuff to it, giving it my personal twist - without damaging the originals.
Some claim that it's pretty cool that I don't just play what's played on the albums - but that I'd rather make my own versions that slightly deviate from it without disrespecting the original version. Others claim that it's sometimes too damn hard to hear what the original bass player is doing, and that it's easier to figure out something else that'll work. :)
For those interested, I've made a little music compilation for you to check out the songs I'm working on. Check it out, but make sure you plug into a proper stereo or put on headphones. Music should as a standard never be played through laptop/pc/tablet speakers.
<iframe src="http://8tracks.com/mixes/810601/player_v3_universal" width="400" height="400" style="border: 0px none;"></iframe> <p class="_8t_embed_p" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;"><a href="http://8tracks.com/keld_petersen/kingkeld-s-practice-setlist">Kingkeld's practice setlist</a> from <a href="http://8tracks.com/keld_petersen">Keld_petersen</a> on <a href="http://8tracks.com">8tracks</a>.</p>
So, I hear that Wife is awake. This means it's time to go make some breakfast, hang with her. I love our mornings together. It's nice to start the day together, chit chat, prepare for the day and just enjoy each others company.
Then, when she leaves for work, I will go practice my songs for an hour or two, probably learn a new one. Today, that new one will be Heaven And Hell by Black Sabbath. It shouldn't be TOO hard to do. We'll see if I'm right. :)
Today I'm NOT thankful for: - Stuffing myself stupid yesterday.
I am, however, thankful for: - Realizing today what a dumbass move it was to stuff myself stupid yesterday. - Getting up early and write this journal, leaving more room for music when Wife goes to work. - Making a set list that I can listen to online, and share with you guys. - Morning coffee. - This place for venting when I make dumb moves. - Being able to resist Wife's cakes today. It's Thursday and she's baking at work. Damn her! :)
Happy Thursday! Life is good!
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![](https://m.ftscrt.com/static/images/box/membersicon.gif) Kommentare
I understand feeling physically uncomfortable with the food choices - but don't understand the emotional place of berating yourself. You are human and there are times when it kicks in full force and you, of all people, understand the big picture of your health and fitness. Anyone who can lose as much weight as you have done knows how to bounce back easily and practice self forgiveness. Remember, I say "you rock", HCB
30 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: HCB
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Hang in there King. It happens to us all, tapping or whatever (not a fan). Just keep hangin in there, and hangin around here. Remember your getting over and illness and under a lot of stress from returning to work. People handle that way worse than a little indulging in food, drugs, booze, chewing peoples faces off in Miami, etc. I _TOTALLY_ agree about speakers and headphones. I will go a step farther and say 97% of the headphones used today are also worthless. I totally freak out when my kids are blasting music through a laptop or phone speakers. It sounds like my 6*9's in my pinto when I blew the base drivers. Uhggg!
30 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: posterchild66
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JP - you're right. :) I need to show you the bass rig I'm buying somewhat soon. You'll like it.
31 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: kingkeld
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Thank goodness-I was beginning to believe you were a superhero Kingkeld. Turns out you are a regular human hero. Love the positivity of picking yourself up and starting a new day. As always, through your ups and very rare downs you are an inspiration. Have a fantastic day!
31 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: joyfulgirl
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I think it is time to look back again and see how far you have come. Ok ... You know about the weight loss.... But I bet if you look back over the last 2-3 weeks, you will realise that you have stopped calorie counting and weighing in daily. This - in the main - has been successful. The cravings have diminished, with just the occasional hiccup (and that's all it is - remember baby and walking). So..... All in all... Pretty successful, well done, keep it up :-)
31 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: Sk1nnyfuture
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isn't it a bit scary how easily we can go back to stuffing? even after all that work (and i'm halfway now, so i half know what you must have done to achieve that) after all that hard work to teach yourselve new habits, teach yourselve about healthy foods, get in tough with the psychological reasons for eating, rule out social eating and getting the right network... and after ALL that, in the end it is still just you and that "hamburger"...
having weakness' is one of mankinds most adorable trades, it makes people fall in love, makes people able to forgive the most horrible things. Just keep in mind, that it is impossible to gain all that weight back in just one day, and you will feel stronger tomorrow and get back on track. Don't beat yourselve up for your weakness, that is only human. Beat yourself up for feeling bad about it! And now you get right back up that bike and spin those "endulgeance" kilo's off !!!
love maud.
31 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: puhpine
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I am new to FS, but I have read back over many of your posts. You are AMAZING & you truly inspire me! Keep looking and moving forward. ~ Hugs from Prescat
31 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: Prescat7
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Thanks, Prescat7, and welcome aboard. :) I hope you'll like it here. I sure do.
31 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: kingkeld
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I think you could do worse than picking out a few of your most inspirational journal entries to share with your class when you start, and this would be a great one to begin with. Your massive success will be hugely motivating for your students but it could also be pretty scary and it might help some to see that you are human and you have slipped up now and then on the journey. You should include the responses, too - you have really great buddies (you know that).
31 Mai 12 vom Mitglied: Earthlady
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kingkeld's Gewichtsverlauf
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